Quotes from the Best Good-ol-Boy Scientist EVER

"Mother Nature is gonna take us to the woodshed and we are going to provide most of the butt"
--Randy Julander



Well, we are about due for our annual blog posting. More to come soon, I promise.

In case you haven't heard, the state of Utah is sitting under historically high snowpack levels deep into May. The continued precipitation and low temperatures mean that we are not chipping away at the water runoff task at hand. At some point soon we are going to hit high temperatures and it is all going to come down in a short time period. There is a certain schadenfreude around the neighborhood as the mansions built on the river look poised to enter some class 5 rapids. But that's not nice.

Without a doubt, the best thing about the impending Waterworld apocalypse in the desert has come from an unexpected source: a good old boy hydrologist named Randy Julander. Julander has been appearing on the local news almost every night with analysis about the minor flooding that is already occurring. From what I can gather, Julander is a hydrologist employed by the USDA's Natural Resource Conservation Service. I have no doubt that Julander is a smart scientist, but the best thing about him is that I have to rewind the news to rewatch the hilarious things he says. I think this guy could have his own show ala Bill Nye the Science Guy.

I first took notice of Julander when he dropped the gem at the top of this post. A short search of local news turns up some more. This guy is awesome. Sit back and enjoy:

"Sooner or later, Utah is going to heat up. It will be like filling a thimble with a fire hose." (ksl May 18th, 2011)

"Bottom line, it's like trying to stop a semi with a squirrel." (ksl May 18th, 2011)

"Mother Nature is going to take us to the woodshed," (ksl April 26th, 2011)

‘"It's not too late to buy a pair of waders." (ksl April 26th, 2011)

"What we're getting right here is Bubba's all-you-can-eat southern BBQ" (ksl April 26th, 2011)

"the first thing we ought to learn out of this is where we've been stupid. ... There's no kinder, gentler way to say it." (ksl April 26th, 2011)

"The minor flooding that we see in and around various areas, this is just the appetizer," Julander said. "We still have soup, salad, the main course and dessert yet to come. Every day that it is cool and wet increases the potential for much higher stream flows later on six weeks from now." (ksl April 10th, 2011)

"This will freshen what we already have. Anything after this will be icing on the cake," (ksl February 16th, 2011)

"And it's not just Utah, Colorado and Wyoming. It's basically all of the western states except Arizona and New Mexico," Julander said. "We're waiting for the chute to open and the bull to come out bucking, but he ain't moving, yet." (ksl May 18th, 2011)

"They're wishing they could get a little of what we have. (The wet weather) just continues to get worse. At this point, all you can do is open the chute, let her buck and hope your butt stays glued to the saddle." (ksl May 8th, 2011)

"It simply sends a message that climate is variable, and you can't count on having x number of good years and x number of bad years." (ksl March 12, 2007)

"Is this one bad year we're having in the middle of ten really good ones? Or, was it two really good years in the middle of say 15 years of drought? I wish I knew." (ksl Jan 30, 2007)

"All you can do at this point is open the chute, let her buck and hope your butt is glued to the saddle. And there is no shame in riding this beast with two hands!" (fox13, May 5, 2011)

"It is sweet," Julander said of the huge snowpack that Utahns depend on for water. "What can you say except for hot-diggity dog ... but if April is cold and wet, it's 'Katy, bar the door!"' (connect2utah.com, march 26, 2011)

and, reaching clear back to 1993:

"You can take the brick out of the toilet. There is still a lot of water that can stand to be stored in Bear Lake, but everyplace else in the state is looking good."

EDIT -- (I got an email from Julander himself after posting this. The guy is as cool and as gracious as you could possibly hope for.)